|Sat, 17 Apr 1999
"JB McDonald" <email@example.com>
Boob Woman and the Stupid Seven
Recently a horrible truth has come to my knowledge. There are people out there who have not read BOOB WOMAN!!! stories. It is imperative that I rectify this situation right away. I feel not at all bad about flooding the list with Boob Woman stories, since there are only two of them. Boob Woman is a response to a challenge posted by someone to come up with characters with never-before-seen-powers. I think BW and the Stupid Seven all qualify. <EG>
Hey guys! I was thinking about this whole challenge--the one where you make up mutants who have powers that've never been used before. And I got to thinking. Late at night. Just before bed. This is always dangerous. To top it off, Older Sister was home, so that made things worse because she loves this stuff. Anyway, we came up with some mutant powers but . . . uh . . .well, this story doesn't really fit into any category that I could come up with. It's not really X-Men, though I suppose it could take place in their universe, and I don't think it's common people, because these guys aren't common, they're superheroes. Well, you read it and decide. :) JBMcD
Boob Woman and the Stupid Seven
By night, she is a mild mannered, flat chested librarian. But by day she becomes BOOB WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Protector of the large-chested! Able to stop evil-doers in a single bounce!
Our story today begins at the Stupid Seven's headquarters, where the team of superheroes has just received word that a villain is attacking!
'Toxic Toe Fungus,' Boob Woman said, tossing her long, blond hair over her shoulder, 'Do you know where Sunflower Seed Man and Herbert are attacking now?'
Toxic Toe Fungus nodded quickly, pointing to the screen. 'Right there, Boob Woman. Radioactive Nose Hair Man, you take Teenage Boy and stall them!' he barked out, watching as the two superheroes left to do so. 'Boob Woman, are you ready for combat?'
Boob Woman adjusted her bra to be sure it was on right, then nodded. 'I am, Toxic Toe Fungus.'
'Bad Breath Man, Lizard Tongue, Raid, all of you, let's head out!' Toxic Toe Fungus cried as they leaped into their special plane and flew to where Teenage Boy and Radioactive Nose Hair Man already were.
'You will not stop meeee!!!!' Sunflower Seed Man said, spitting out the nasty things at Radioactive Nose Hair Man.
'That is like, so lame,' Teenage Boy snorted, rolling his eyes obnoxiously. 'Man, I totally can't believe I'm here. And your power is just . . . it's an old fogey power, dude!'
Sunflower Seed Man stopped and looked at Teenage Boy. 'WOULD YOU SHUT UP!??!?'
Teenage Boy sighed and rolled his eyes again.
'Herbert! Demolish that building!' Sunflower Seed Man cried, pointing t o a bra outlet.
'SUUUUURRRRRE!!!!!!' Herbert responded, ga-lunking over to the thing and blowing his acid snot at it. 'THERE YA GO!!!' he cried as it disintegrated and the big-chested women inside screamed in horror.
'HAVE NO FEAR!' the super heroine cried, leaping from the plane, 'BOOB WOMAN IS HERE!' She landed on her ample chest, bouncing up to come gracefully to her feet. 'Evil doers, beware!'
'NO!' Herbert cried, lumbering forward and preparing to blow more acid snot her way, 'I WON'T LET YOU STOP US! SUNFLOWER SEED MAN IS MY NEW FRIEND!!!!!!'
'Bad Breath Man! Stop him!' Boob Woman cried, leaping out of the way an d rolling to her feet in front of the evil Sunflower Seed Man.
Behind her Bad Breath Man sighed in Herbert's direction, and the little geek stumbled back, unable to draw air.
'You will not win this day, Boob Woman!' Sunflower Seed Man cried, jumping into his waiting jet, 'For I shall escape!'
'Boob Woman!' everyone else screamed, 'Stop him!'
Boob Woman leapt into the plane, using her giant mutant-boobs to carry her farther. 'I'll stop you, villain!' she cried, swinging her torso around and smacking the fiend in the face.
'No! I have a parachute and I'll crash the plane!' Sunflower Seed Man cried, setting the controls and jumping out the window. 'Don't forget about the hostage!!!!!' he screamed, laughing maniacally.
Boob Woman looked around, frowning as she saw a woman cowering in the corner. 'Come on,' Boob Woman said, holding out her hand. 'Let's go.'
They jumped out of the plane, the woman screaming 'WE DON'T HAVE PARACHUTES!!!!'
Boob Woman smiled and whipped off her bra. 'Certainly we do! Two of them!'
Later, back at HQ . . . .
'So Herbert and Sunflower Seed Man got away again, did they?' Boob Woman scowled.
'We couldn't stop them, BW,' Lizard Tongue said, his forked tongue licking in and out of his face.
'That's all right,' she said, smiling like the hero she was. 'There's always next time . . .'
Join us next time to see what happens with Boob Woman and the Stupid Seven when they meet . . . .